This is the heartbreaking moment a single mother found her little son dead next to her in bed when she woke up.
Amanda Saucedo, who is from Lorain, Ohio, was woken up when one-month-old Ben began fussing in the middle of the night. Ben’s diaper was changed, and she then took him to her bed to feed him.
The US army veteran and mother of two fell asleep, but when she woke up at 8 am, she realized something was terribly wrong.
Ben was found lifeless in a pool of his own blood. The incident took place on November 11, 2014, and Amanda is still bothered by it today.
The Scientific Parent quoted Amanda, who also has a five-year-old son called Trae, as saying: “I turned to face my dear Ben, who was nestled up next to me as usual.
“But there was a problem. His nostril was stuck halfway down, and his face was pallid. When I stood up, I saw a pool of blood next to Ben.
“I muttered to myself, “No. This is not taking place!
“I scooped up my infant son, who was 30 days old, placed him on his back, and began gently shaking him while yelling, “Ben! Get up! Ben, get up!’
“I realized he wouldn’t wake up at that point. He had left already.
“As I spoke to the (911) operator, I paced my living room while carrying Ben downstairs.
“She repeatedly questioned me about starting CPR. I informed her that there was no purpose each time. Ben had left.
“He no longer resembled my Ben, and his little hard body was stiff in my arms. There was no hope, I knew. His absence lasted several hours.”
After Amanda was questioned by the police regarding her drug and alcohol usage, the matter was forwarded to an inquest.
Amanda added “Was Ben in pain when he died? was the sole query I had for the coroner.
“Babies this small typically don’t experience pain from suffocation, he said.
“And at that point, guilt took over my entire life and my entire soul. Did I murder Ben?
“But I was aware that I didn’t roll or lay down on him. Smothering is another term for suffocation, according to the coroner.
“Ben suffocated when I dozed off for some reason. I informed him that nothing was obstructing Ben’s airway. If his nose and mouth weren’t covered, how did this happen? I did not get it.
“Despite the detective’s kindness, I had the impression that they were looking for my fault as if I had done something to cause myself to fall asleep for an unusually long time. However, nothing was there.
“This is the day I go to hell. The worst narrative to tell is that one. It also doesn’t appear to get any simpler.”
Despite the fact that there was no evidence to support it, Ben’s cause of death was listed as positional “asphyxiation owing to dangerous sleep settings.”
Amanda says of the choice, “I was enraged and plagued by guilt.”
“Naturally, when events like this do occur, other people always want to draw their own judgments and conjecture as to what must have gone wrong.
“Accidents in bed only affect those who have been drinking, using drugs, or are obese, right?
“This parent or caregiver was undoubtedly not according to the safe sleep recommendations set forth by the great attachment parenting doctors.
“The rest of the world is constantly looking for a fault—any excuse they can grasp onto to maintain their delusion that they would never experience this.
“No healthy baby just passes away, right? They do, sadly. My own did.”
Amanda is now speaking out in an effort to raise awareness about SUDI, SIDS, and the possible dangers involved with sharing a bed with a small newborn.
She uttered: “Losing a child is both upsetting and upsetting. It’s angry and sorrowful.
“The emotions that grief brings up all conflict at once. I’d do anything to spare others from having to go through this misery.
“You lose yourself in addition to your child when this happens. Life will always be divided into two sections: before and after your child’s death. You change over time.
“Since Ben passed away, I believe it is my responsibility to educate parents about healthy sleep practices. Not always, the information is welcomed.
“There is a ton of advice on the internet about how to securely bed share. I am unable to concur with it after losing Ben.
“The danger of SIDS or SUID for a newborn who shares a bed has been repeatedly demonstrated by science.
“Many individuals tell me that they would prefer their child to be with them rather than by themselves if their babies were to pass away suddenly while they were sleeping. I’d have to disagree there as well.
“I’ll carry it to my grave with me that I’ll never know if my child would be alive today if he had been left to sleep by himself.
“I believe if Ben had passed away when I was practicing the ABCs of safe sleep, I wouldn’t have to live with such constant doubt and shame.
“Could his passing have been avoided? I might never learn. I would not, however, wish this sense of guilt and illogic on anyone.”
Benny Bears and a short story that her kid wrote are gifts that Amanda gives to new parents in order to raise awareness.