This is the heartbreaking moment a single mother found her little son dead next to her in bed when she woke up.

Amanda Saucedo, who is from Lorain, Ohio, was woken up when one-month-old Ben began fussing in the middle of the night. Ben’s diaper was changed, and she then took him to her bed to feed him.

The US army veteran and mother of two fell asleep, but when she woke up at 8 am, she realized something was terribly wrong.

Ben was found lifeless in a pool of his own blood. The incident took place on November 11, 2014, and Amanda is still bothered by it today.

The Scientific Parent quoted Amanda, who also has a five-year-old son called Trae, as saying: “I turned to face my dear Ben, who was nestled up next to me as usual.

“But there was a problem. His nostril was stuck halfway down, and his face was pallid. When I stood up, I saw a pool of blood next to Ben.

Amanda says of the choice, “I was enraged and plagued by guilt.”

“Naturally, when events like this do occur, other people always want to draw their own judgments and conjecture as to what must have gone wrong.

“Accidents in bed only affect those who have been drinking, using drugs, or are obese, right?

“This parent or caregiver was undoubtedly not according to the safe sleep recommendations set forth by the great attachment parenting doctors.

“The rest of the world is constantly looking for a fault—any excuse they can grasp onto to maintain their delusion that they would never experience this.

“No healthy baby just passes away, right? They do, sadly. My own did.”

Amanda is now speaking out in an effort to raise awareness about SUDI, SIDS, and the possible dangers involved with sharing a bed with a small newborn.

I whispered, “No,’ to myself. This is not happening!

My 30-day-old baby was in my arms; I laid him on his back and proceeded to gently shake him while yelling, “Ben! Get up! Ben, stand up.

“At that point, I realized he wouldn’t wake up. He had already left.

“I carried Ben downstairs while I paced my living room while talking to the (911) operator.

“She questioned me about starting CPR several times. Every time, I told her that there was no reason. Ben was gone.

He was no longer like my Ben, and his small, inflexible body was rigid in my arms. I was aware there was no hope. He was gone for several hours.

The matter was sent to an inquest after Amanda was questioned by the police about her use of drugs and alcohol.

Was Ben in suffering when he passed away? asked Amanda. my only question to the coroner was.

According to him, babies this small usually don’t feel discomfort when they suffocate.

“And at that time, shame completely overtook my life and soul. Did I kill Ben?

However, I was conscious that I didn’t roll over or lie down on him. According to the coroner, suffocating is also referred to as smothering.

“For some reason, when I fell asleep, Ben suffocated. Nothing was restricting Ben’s airway, I told him. How did this happen if his nose and mouth weren’t covered? I failed to grasp it.

“Despite the detective’s friendliness, I got the sense that they were hunting for me, as if there was something I had done to make myself sleep for such a long time. But there was nothing.

“I’m going to hell today. That is the narrative that should not be told. Additionally, it doesn’t seem to get any easier.

Ben’s cause of death was stated as positional “asphyxiation due to dangerous sleep settings” even though there was no evidence to support it.

Losing a child is terrible and stressful, she said. It’s sad and furious.

“The feelings that loss evokes all clash at once. To spare others from this suffering, I would do anything.

“When this occurs, you lose not only your child but also yourself. Your child’s death will always mark the beginning of the second phase of your life. You evolve with time.

“Since Ben went away, I feel it is my duty to inform parents about good sleeping habits. The information is not always accepted.

“The internet is filled with tips on how to bed share safely. I can’t agree with it now that Ben is gone.

Science has consistently shown that a newborn who shares a bed is at risk of SIDS or SUID.

“Many people tell me that if their baby were to unexpectedly die away while they were asleep, they would rather have their child beside them than by themselves. I’d also have to disagree there.

“I’ll take it with me to my grave that I’ll never be able to tell if my child would still be alive today if he had been allowed to sleep alone.

“I think I wouldn’t live with such constant worry and shame if Ben had died when I was practicing the ABCs of safe sleep.

“Could his death have been prevented? Maybe I’ll never learn. However, I would never want anyone to experience this sensation of shame or illogic.

Amanda offers gifts to new parents to spread awareness, including Benny Bears and a short story her child authored.